Being Single Again

Being single again sucks. For the most part I'm okay with it, but I do have my moments. The Boy was a big part of my life for the past 10 years. We've been through so much together. If you would have asked me 3 or 5 years ago where I thought I would be in my life 10 years from now, my answer would have definitely included being married to The Boy or at least still being with him. I do miss him and I still love him, which is part of what makes this so hard. We just aren't the same people anymore and we've grown apart. Who knows - maybe someday we'll be able to get back to the place where we love each other again...

As I said previously, I've never been much of a dater. The Boy and I had been together since I was 18 so the dating world is all new to me. I had mentioned before about starting a potential new relationship, but I that may be over for now. The Potential New Boy (TPNB) and I were friends before The Boy and I broke up. We were friends in high school, but just reconnected last summer. Now here's the part that is kinda scandolous...I knew TPNB was starting to have feelings for me and I was developing feelings for him too. The Boy and I were "on a break" before we officially broke up and were free to go out with other people. At that time TPNB wanted to start a relationship with me. I told him I wasn't ready to just jump into another relationship right away. TPNB was dating somebody at that time so I told him to just keep dating her while I figure things out. I wanted to just take things slowly and not be serious. TPNB and I continued to hang out or whatever while he continued to date the other girl. Eventually TPNB decided that he just couldn't do casual with me. It had to be all or nothing. That with me he couldn't not be serious about our relationship - should be flattering right? It was just too much for me. I can't do that right now. TPNB also thinks that I need time to get over The Boy. I guess he's had similar experiences in the past and that makes him a bit wary of starting things with me. So we have decided to wait and see what happens and he is still dating the other girl. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be I guess. It does make me sad and hurts a little bit. And is it wrong that it kills me that he is dating someone else? I just wish that he would give me some time and not date other girls. That's selfish, I know. I just know that we could be so great together. We get a long SO well and really really match. We always have a good time when we're together and we have really great chemistry. He's so sweet and I can tell how much he really does like me and appreciates me for who I am, which is part of what makes this so hard for me.

Other than that, I have been asked out a few times. I've declined all the offers. After The Boy and TPNB I'm just not ready. It does get lonely, but it's also exciting. My friends are all determined to help me find someone new. There's been talk of speed dating and girls night out and online sites. It all sounds fun. Not to knock those who do it, but I don't know if i'm ready to join any dating sites yet. It's a very strange and scary time for me, but I know it's good for me and should be fun. Sometimes it's hard to remember that though.

Ch-ch-changes

Whew! I haven't blogged AT ALL this year. I just lacked the desire to. I'm going to try to start blogging again. We'll see how that goes.



Since my last post back in 2008 there has been one major change. The Boy and I are no longer together. It was pretty much a mutual thing, although it was The Boy that brought it up. I had been contemplating our relationship for awhile before we broke up. There are a lot of things that were wrong with our relationship and a lot of things that led to our break up, but I will only highlight a few of the main reasons. Things just weren't the same. We had grown apart. We want different things, at least at this point in our lives we do. The distance didn't help either. I think we felt disconnected from each other. I have my friends here and he has friends in LA, many of which I have never even met. I felt like there was a part of his life that I had nothing to do with. Don' t get me wrong, I think it's okay to have our own separate friends - healthy even. I felt very negelcted. We didn't talk everyday and we only saw each other on weekends. The Boy isn't in school right now and doesn't work, so I felt that he could have spent more time down here with me. He preferred to stay in LA and go out with the guys. Finances and money was also a big concern. The Boy spends money like it is going out of style. I don't even want to think about how high his credit card bill is. I'm sure it's very very high. I like to spend money too, but I'm a little more frugal with my spending. So that's that in a nutshell.





Being single is a whole new world to me. I haven't been single since I was 14! It's always been boyfriend after boyfriend so this is all new to me. It's both exciting and scary. I look forward to having the chance to date. Although, I'm not excited about people constantly trying to fix me up! I am horrible at turning people down for dates. I've been asked out a few times by guys that I'm not interested in at all. I knew one guy was planning on asking me out and I tried so hard to avoid it, but it happened anyways. I was so lame. Ugh - it makes me cringe just to think of it. The worst part is that he's a customer at my work and I see him all the time. I've known that he has been interested in me, but he never had the chance to ask me out because I was with The Boy. My co-worker, Roni, told him we had broken up. I was like, WHY?! Why did she have to tell him? She knows I don't like him. She just thought it was funny. She even encouraged him to ask me out, knowing that I would say no. How mean is that?



Since The Boy, I have kinda started a new relationship. I wouldn't call it a relationship really.....more of a potential new relationship. The Potential New Boy is an old boyfriend from middle school. We reconnected recently and started hanging out. There is an attraction there and we did kinda start something, but for now we're holding off on things. I don't want to rush into a new relationship right away. I'm just not ready for a relationship.



I probably won't blog again for awhile. I'm leaving this Saturday for my first real vacation in over 2 years. I'm going to Bali and I am uberexcited! :)

Update

Remember before, when I said The Boy was taking his medical board exam and how I was excited that all the crazy studying was over and I'd have my fun boyfriend back? Turns out not so much. Unfortunately The Boy didn't pass. :(

It's not uncommon to not pass this test. Most people say that Step 1 is the hardest part of the boards and a lot of people take it twice or even three times before passing. I know it's hard for him right now. So much time and effort had gone in to studying. He was so ready to move forward and get on to the next part of his med school education. He was thisclose to passing too. He has to wait another month before he can take it again. This month will be hard on him I'm sure. He was SO tired of studying for this test. Now he has to do it all over again. My heart breaks for him. To add insult to injury, his mom wasn't too supportive when she found out he didn't pass. One of the first things she said to him was, "What are we going to tell people?" Since then she's also told him that she stays awake at night trying to come up with a story to tell people about his test results. She's decided that she's going to tell people that he missed it by one or two points. His response to that was "why do you have to think of something to tell people. I'm not ashamed of not passing." She said she knows, but she has to come up with something to tell people. This hurts The Boy a lot. He feels as if his mom is embarrassed or ashamed that he didn't pass. I tell him how proud I am of him for all his hard work. I'm sure that makes him feel better, but it doesn't make up for the way his mom feels about it. I can see how depressed and sad he is when he talks about it. Please send good thoughts his way. He's gonna need it.

Lazy days

The last week I had off from work was nice. Made me want to never have to go back to work. Here's a quick run down of what we did:

Went to the gym every day - EVERY DAY! The Boy is a monster! He pushes me so hard at the gym. It's funny sometimes. I'll be doing weights and he'll want me to do heavier weights and I won't want to. One time there was this older lady working oujt next to us. She had a personal trainer and they were doing the same exercise we were doing, but the old lady ywas doing about 15 more pounds than I was doing. The Boy kept saying to me, "See that old lady? You want here to beat you. She's doing more than you. Don't be a wuss. She's beating you."

Did some shopping. Checked out the Nordstrom half yearly sale and bought a dress.

Ate at 3 Square Cafe in Venice and Jinky's Cafe in Sherman Oaks, two places I've been wanting to try

Ate at a bunch of restaurants in LA that I miss, such as California Roll Factory, Zankou, and Toast

Picked up some red velvet cupcakes from Crumbs AND Buttercake Bakery (I LOVE LOVE LOVE red velvet cake. I liked the Crumbs version better.)

Watched a whole lot of basketball. The Boy loves him some Lakers.

Went to a Midnight showing of the Sex and the City movie with Lana, who had won tickets that were only good for the Friday Midnight showing. Good thing I didn't have work the next day! Loved the movie!

Overall, it was a relaxing, very chill week. I'm just sad it's over.

A little time off

I've been off from work this whole week. I've been doing a lot of nothing. I've been sleeping in (which I never do. I'm an early bird), playing with the dog, and watching movies on On Demand. It feels good to just hang out for a few extra days. I did drive up and hang out with The Boy for a little bit. This is what we did.



Yup, that's Kanye West. I know it's hard to see, but it really is him. He was at the club Area in Los Angeles Tuesday night along with Common. It was crazy crowded up in there. I'm talking standing shoulder to shoulder with some sweaty/smelly people, but it was worth it. They basically did a little mini-concert. They performed Go, Flashing Lights, Stonger, Good Life, and a few others I can't remember right now. What makes it even better is that it was free to get in. My friend has the hook up and was able to get us in without a cover charge. Perez Hilton even posted about it.

Happy almost Valentine's Day!

Tomorrow the boy and I are going out to dinner. Nothing too fancy or expensive though, just a simple and relaxed dinner. We don't even exchange gifts. He gets me flowers, but that's it. It's okay though, because I'm not really into Valentine's Day.

I was going to just cook dinner at home. Then I realized that I can't even remember the last time the boy and I went out for a nice dinner alone. We've been together for so long, that we often find ourselves just hanging out at home or only going out when there are other people involved. Me thinks that we need to have date nights more often.

The ULTIMATE couch potato

Yesterday as I left for work, the boy was laying on the couch watching Heroes season one on DVD. Yesterday, when I got home from work, the boy was laying on the couch watching Heroes season one on DVD. He had been watching Heroes the whole time I was at work! To be fair, I didn't go into work yesterday until noon, but still, that's a good 6 hours of dvd watching. He didn't even shower! He was supposed to go back up to LA yesterday too, but he was "too sick" to drive. He claims he's sick, but I think he's just being lazy and wanted to watch Heroes all day instead of driving 2 hours back home.

Case of the disappearing engagement ring

No, not mine since I don't have one. One of the boys best friends recently got engaged. We will refer to the newly engaged couple as Choco and Cheena. Here's some background on their relationship. They live together and have (what I'd consider)somewhat of a rocky relationship. They are fighting/bickering constantly. They both get jealous easily and they keep each other on very very short leashes. They are probably the most co-dependant couple I know. Because of all this, Choco has had his reservations about getting married. He's always complaining to the boy about how Cheena gets "crazy" when they fight and that she is spoiled and lazy. He wants her to change before he marries her *cough* yeah right *cough*. Choco bought a ring for Cheena awhile ago and Cheena was aware of this. Choco finally gave her the ring for Christmas, but she's supposed to not wear it. It's like a "secret engagement." The other night the boy was with Choco, Cheena and some other friends and Cheena was wearing the ring. One of their friends said congratulations to them and Choco just brushed it off. Yesterday was the first time I've seen Choco or Cheena since they got "engaged." I was excited to get to see her ring, but she wasn't wearing it! I didn't want to ask about it because I know it's kinda sorta a secret and they don't want a lot of people knowing. I suspect that she purposely didn't wear the ring in front of me because Choco probably didn't want me seeing it and asking quetions. Is this not the strangest engagement ever? If I was Cheena, I'd be a little upset. I wouldn't want to hide my engagement. She should be able to proudly wear her ring and share the good news with everyone she knows. I love Cheena and think she's a really great and fun girl, but I don't know if these two should be getting married . . . at least not yet.

Three day weekend . . .

but not for me.

Boo: I have work on Saturday :( My weekend will only be two days.
Yay: All is not lost. Saturday should only be a half day with me heading home by 3:30. The boy will be coming down to hang out with me this weekend. He has a big test to take Friday and Saturday will be his first worry free day in months. He's taking the first part of his medical board exams, which he's been studying for for months.

Yay: The Chargers have won TWO playoff games this year.
Boo: They play the undefeated Patriots next. LT, Rivers, and Gates are still hurt.

Yay: I'm having dinner with my friend H on Saturday night in downtown.
Boo: She's bringing her boyfriend, Fisher, with her. Not that I don't like the guy, he's just not very much fun to be around. He's hard to talk to and doesn't engage in conversation, so it makes me uncomfortable. She's been dating this guy for over a year and I still don't feel like I know him. Maybe it's just a little hard to get him out of his shell, but come on - talk already! I'll ask him a question and he'll reply with the shortest answer possible and then that's it. He doesn't ever talk unless you talk directly to him, otherwise he just sits there quietly. It's just weird to me that I hardly know one of my best friends boyfriends. Especially since we live in the same city. It'd be one thing if they lived out of state or even in another city, but they don't.

Yay: I have tomorrow off!
Boo: I have to pick my parents up at 8am! They are coming home from a 5 day cruise. AND I have 3 chapters to read for my advertising class I'm taking.

BOO: I have to get back to work now.
Yay: There is no yay response to having to do actual work now.

Very late Christmas update

Awhile back I had promised an update of my Christmas festivities. Due to my recent sickness, I have yet to blog about it. Here it goes. I got a bunch of great presents. I got a couple of dvds, gift cards to sephora and coffee bean, Kiehls products, ca$h, and the following:

Speakers for my ipod


Dolce & Gabbana Parfum - The One



8 inch Digital Frame



Christmas Eve with the fam was great. All my aunts, uncles and cousins were there and let me tell you there are A LOT of us. There was lots of good food such as lobster, prime rib, mashed potatoes, cheesecake, and more. Christmas songs were sung. Family board games were played. Good conversation was had. Ever since we were kids, one of our dads would dress up as Santa Claus and pass out the presents. Now that we are older and there are a new set of young kids around the dad's have passed on the tradtion to our male cousins. This year, the boy got roped into playing Santa. He was such a good sport about it, made me fall in love with him all over again (I know, I know, cheesey). Christmas Day my family gathered at my aunt's house for more food and family time. Overall, it was a wonderful holiday season and I'm sad it's gone. Only 11 more months until the next one!

Christmas bells are ringing

I did some more Christmas shopping today. I was out for four hours today - whew! AND I only got presents for 2 people. AND I'm not even done shopping for these two people. Here's what I got:

Carry on luggage for the boy, except in black. We're going to Vegas this weekend so I'll be giving it to him tomorrow. He's been wanting a new carry-on luggage with the spinner wheels for awhile now. I was in Macy's and saw it on sale so I scooped it up for him.



I bought a bunch of orange ginger products at the Bath and Body Works outlet for my friend H, the same friend that I blogged about before (asks for a specific item and then makes me return it later). I got hand lotion, body wash, shampoo and conditioner. I'm going to put it all in a little basket and give her money. She said she wanted a nice hair dryer, but I'm just going to give her the money and she can buy it herself. Last year she asked for a hair straightener. I bought her one, she tried it and she didn't like it so she asked me to return it and just give her the cash. This year I don't want to have to deal with the hassle if she wants to return the hair dryer.

There were A LOT of people at the mall today. Even at 10 am it was crowded, which surprised me. The next chance I have to go shopping is Thursday. Wish me luck!

Weekend Wrap-up

My weekend was a mix up of boring and fun. Here it goes.

Friday:
Came home from work. Cooked bistro style short ribs with a recipe from Tyler Florence of the Food Network. It was my first time making it. I really liked it. It's definately something I'll be making again. After dinner, I took my accounting final. I take the class online and I have to say, accounting is really hard to learn on your own. I did better on the final than I thought I had expected, so that was nice. I ended up getting a B in the class. Yay me!

Saturday:
Woke up and then ran errands in the morning. I went to Ralphs to buy some groceries, Kohl's to make use of the 15% friends and family coupon, and then to the bank. The boy and his family came down Saturday evening. They came down in their van to help some family members move some items. I decided to cook dinner for them since the boy is always telling them how I cook all the time and that I cook well. Plus, they always take me out to eat and I thought this would be a nice way to return the favor. I'm always a little afraid to cook for people the first time. What if they don't like my food? Then I'd feel bad because they might feel obligated to finish the food on their plate even though they may potentially hate it. Because of this fear of mine of cooking for people for the first time, I wanted to cook something that I've made for lots of people and that they have all liked. I decided to cook lasagna and banana pudding, both made completely from scratch and both have been enjoyed by many people in the past. Guaranteed winner, right? Wrong. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and even had seconds . . . except for the boys mom. She had her one piece of lasagna on her plate forever. Everyone was already on their second piece and she still had most of her first piece on her plate and she would put the tiniest piece of food on her fork when she would eat it. The only thing she said about dinner was that the salad was good. The salad that came from a bag! I was a little disappointed and a little bit embarassed that she didn't like it. Then I served my home made pudding and she had one bite and that was it. Again, everyone else had 2 servings each. I really don't understand why his mom didn't like my cooking. She doesn't cook so they eat all of their meals out. Mostly they eat at places like Sizzler, Burger King, Coco's, Olive Garden, etc. Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about those places, but they aren't the best most flavorful places in the world. I figured, if she loves Coco's so much, my food had to at least be as good as that.

Sunday:
Sunday was a very estrogen charged day - MUCH better than Saturday. Woke up early and got my hair cut and highlighted. I love my hair the day I get it cut because my stylist does such a great job of cutting it and blows out my hair for me. Every time I get my hair cut, I get a compliment on it. At least one person, if not more, will come up to me and say what a great hair cut I have. I'm not trying to be vain or anything. I take none of the credit for how good my hair looks. That all goes to Trevor, my stylist. I can never make my hair look that good on my own so they day I get it cut is my best hair day. Went to lunch at a nearby thai place with my sister and my friend H. Then we went on a shopping marathon. We went to Nordstrom rack and Off Fifth. We were on our way to Fashion Valley mall and made a quick pit stop at Coffee Bean to refuel then it was time for more shopping. We all went back to my place to eat left-over lasagna and watched a movie on On Demand. Lucky for me, I have Monday off too. I'll blog about that tonight or tomorrow.

Argh!!!!!!

I just went got back from Bed Bath and Beyond. The charging station I was planning on buying the boy is nowhere to be found. I wanted to buy it in store so that I could use the 20% off one item coupon (yes, I'm that cheap - a couple of dollars here and there makes a difference). Since I couldn't find it in the store I figured I'd buy it online, but its out of stock! Now what do I do?

Santa Claus is coming to town.

With the holidays coming up, I've been trying to come up with good gift ideas with the people on my list. I think I have just about the hardest people there are in the world to shop for. The boy buys everything he wants, so it's not like there's anything out there that he really wants, but hasn't bought for himself yet. My friends and family are sooooo super picky and particular about things, so its hard to shop for them. One friend will ask for something specific. I will go out and buy it and then a few days later she'll say she no longer wants it and to just give her a gift card to Nordstrom. Grrrr....annoying, isn't it? Everyone on my list pretty much just gets cash. It's so boring though. I love shopping for presents and then wrapping them up so nice and pretty. I think I need new friends. I'll probably just buy everyone something small and then give them cash as well. So far I'm getting a charging station for the boy from Bed Bath and Beyond that I saw Just Jenn talk about on her blog.



I also need gifts for a White Elephant gift exchange. I don't know what to get. Any ideas? The gift needs to good for both sexes and between $50-60.

All about me

Hello blogging world. This is me in a nutshell. I am a twenty-something year old first generation filipino, Southern California girl. Raised in San Diego, I moved to Los Angeles after high school where I attened a private university. I met a boy during college. He went to school at UCI. We did the whole long-distance thing. Now I'm back in San Diego. Still in school, working full time at a medical office. The boy is in school too (med school). We are still doing the long distance thing. Hmmm, what else. I guess that's all there is to know about me for now. You can get to know me more through the rest of my posts. Enjoy!